Quirky Phrases

Here is a collection of some odd and quirky phrases that I have come across over the past several months during my research for some of my stories. I think you may get a kick out of them.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.

Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.”

Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave.

I am swift as a gazelle, an old one with arthritis that has been run over by a Land Rover 8 days ago.

My doctor suggested that I don’t snack at night; but then, why is there a light bulb in the fridge?

Health experts have determined that having a great number of birthdays causes people to live longer.

I like to believe that I’m unique, just like everyone else. “Didn’t our moms tell us that when we were young?”

Have you ever noticed that some days you’re the bird, and some days you end up being the statue?

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches grow wild.

Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent; unless, of course, you’re donating blood.

A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That would seem to give hope to many of our politicians.

It occurred to me that a bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

If I say I’ll fix it, I’ll fix it. There is no need to nag me every 6 months about it. “I think I said that about 6 months ago.”

He who laughs last, didn't get it. “Trust me I’ve been there.”

Did you ever notice that once your mouth is propped open, your dentist never asks yes or no questions?

I found that when your kids become teenagers, it’s a good idea to have a dog so that someone is happy to see you when you come home.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I want my children to have all the things in life that I couldn’t afford. I may have to move in with them someday.

World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. “Huh?”

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

I try to be as kind as I can to my children. After all, they are the future of the world, and most importantly, they are the ones who are going to pick the old age home for me.

I found out my dog can count. I tried putting three dog treats in my pocket and only giving him just two. Yeah, right.

I’ve finally reached my 80’s and realized that I have learned practically everything there is to know. My only problem is, I’ve forgotten most of it.

Watch out, by the time I say, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

I think that you should go to other people’s funerals or they may not come to yours. “ahhh…. Ok.”

“This one’s for my pastor.” Who needs a miracle when you have a Christian comedian in the pulpit?

I hope this provided y’all with a few North Carolinian chuckles.